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Words today: 1588
Words total: 54803

All they left was a gaping plot hole

I swear that as long as one of us still lives, the sorceress will die.

The Scorpion King

You know that as soon as one of the characters utters a line like that then all but one of them is going to die. You realise this film really is as bad as you had feared it would be.

And to think I had high hopes for a film starring a guy named after a Nicolas Cage film.

Good bits: Kelly Hu; the fact that The Rock is actually quite funny at moments.

Bad bits: Dialogue; plot (which doesn't seem to allude to anything mentioned in The Mummy Returns); the fact that ancient Egypt is the most multi-national place on Earth (we have african-americans, native americans, hawaiians, mancunians, germans, new-yorkers, welsh -- come on, what degree of realism are we going for here?).

The funniest thing is, at The Rock's page at IMDB it lists all his wrestling pay-per-view events under his acting credits, so it looks like he's made 70-odd films.

All they left was a bodyboard

Bank Holiday Weekend, and I turn down the opportunity to go on a surfing weekend with Shameful, The Girl I See on the Stairs, and a few others, because it would have meant getting up at about 0700hrs. I didn't get in until 0330hrs last night, so that was never going to happen.

Also, I'm not a surfer, so it would have meant watching the others surf for three days. Might have been cool if the sun was going to come out, and if there was someone else on the beach watching with me.

Also, there were no more beds in their hostel, so I'd have been sleeping in a different place to them.

So, instead, I'm spending BHW alone in Swin. Hmmm, maybe that wasn't such a great idea :)

All they left was a final episode

I went out for a friend's birthday last night. I was the first person to arrive at the pub -- I usually am -- but this time I was first by a clear hour. The girls' reason when they finally arrived at 10.30?

They were watching the last episode of Friends.

If I'd had to wait an hour on my own I would not have been happy, but I got to chatting up some Swindon Chav and the time passed fairly quickly.

It was a good night, but I'm beginning to think that I really need to get myself another gf. It happens too often lately that I'm the first person out, and sometimes (usually when I'm in Kings waiting for Big Ron or Student With No Razor) I can end up waiting on my own for half an hour or more. I wouldn't care what time they showed up if I came out with someone.

And I don't suppose it would hurt to get laid every once in a while :)

Later . . .

All they left was a three-figure number

Staff bonus in today's pay check: £267.
Amount of bonus that will be left after tax-man, NI, student loan and this weekend have taken a share: £0.

Still, it's welcome.

All they left was the fury

I was on a training course with The Girl I See on the Stairs yesterday, and when we finished the weather was so nice that we decided to go to the pub up the road for a couple of drinks.

Last night was written off.

I learn that the Red Kev stories [entry] circling around work have led one girl to start calling me The Fury. I don't know whether to believe this or not. If it's true, it's amusing, and a little worrying.

I learn that Stairs really doesn't like the girl I fancy.

I learn that I'm a persuader, a magnetic personallity (something else I'm disinclined to believe) and a joint problem solver.

Later . . .

All they left was a yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum

-- Was the blond hair and the earring 'cause you were in a rock band or 'cause you loved pirates?
-- What?
-- Loved pirates! Just like me!

Watched Pirates of the Carribean: the Curse of the Black Pearl last night. I never thought I'd say this about a film based on a bloody theme park ride, but that was a cool film.

Good bits: Johnny Depp's performance; pretty much every single thing that Johnny Depp said; Kiera Knightley; the fact that there were no 'Oh dear, that's a bit too cheesy moments' through the entire film; undead monkey.

Bad bits: couple of plot holes that my co-viewers couldn't help themselves from pointing out (okay, I would have done the same thing had I got there first); Legolas' facial hair; distinct lack of dwarf for Legolas to banter with.

Later . . .

Home:

Words yesterday: 365
Words total: 53215

All they left was a word count

Home:
Words yesterday: 170
Words Sunday: 409
Words total: 52850

Later . . .

All they left was one angry learner driver

The DSA vehemently claims that there is no quotas they have to reach for fails/passes each day, but on days like today you can almost believe there is.

I'm so angry about this.

The examiner failed me for signalling incorrectly at a roundabout (even though I was doing exactly what my instructor always told me to do -- signal right if the 'straight ahead' exit is right of dead centre), and for passing through a set of traffic lights as they turned amber. To stop in time, I'd have had to do an emergency stop, and probably would have ended up wearing the car behind me.

I'm so fucking angry about this. I can't talk to anyone at the moment, because if I do I'll probably end up shouting.

At least the first time I failed the reasons given were just (well, at least understandable). But to fail me for what are essentially a couple of minor points is outrageous. The rest of my drive was fine; only a couple of other minors, and I nailed the manoeuvres.

The worst thing about the whole affair was that when he was talking me through it, there was to be NO DISCUSSION. I knew that I couldn't get him to change his verdict, but I at least wanted to explain my actions. No, he was determined to explain that 'I am right, and that's that' (his exact words), and he just talked right over the top of me.

Arsehole.

All they left was a couple of notes that didn't make a great deal of sense

In more positive news, I returned to Home yesterday and began working on that again. It's been a while (-read: I've been phenomenally lazy-), but after reading back a bit I was able to get a couple of pages down. Hopefully it won't be another six months before I look at it again. I'd like to get the first draft finished before November, so that I can start a new project when NaNoWriMo rolls round again.

Later . . .

All they left was asylum

The Well's gone out to From the Asylum [entry].

Later . . .

All they left was the room

I swear my computer knew I was complaining about it yesterday. As soon as I sent that post, it really started fucking me around, crashing about five minutes after I turned it on. Not only that it screwed up the blog as well, so no one could read the entry for ages.

I don't know how it did it, or why it's doing it, but this is war.

All they left was a duff mouse

It's about time somebody took this computer out on to the green and set about it with a sledgehammer.

Any volunteers?

This week, my intellimouse is disrespecting me. Every so often, it just up and freezes, the little light goes out, and the mouse refuses to work. Whilst I'm perfectly capable of using my computer without the mouse, it's a pain in the arse.

If a woman disrespected me this much, I'd have asked her out by now.

All they left was a language barrier

Pizza with Demise, my ex and her friend last night. I discover that the guy Demise is dating is an idiot :) Just how uninterested do you need to appear before this girl gives up on you?

There's no awkwardness between Demise and I, which is cool, although her question 'Are you going out with anyone?' midway through the evening perplexes me. Has someone been babysitting your head this last couple of months? [entry]

We go to the pub afterwards, and meet up with some guys from work celebrating a birthday. My companions go home at chucking-out time, so I tag along with these guys to the nightclub. I seem to be following old and familiar patterns here, but I'm willing to go with it.

The new guys are all foreigners, and conversation ranges from easy (the lebanese guy I first met at Newquay whose English is better than mine) to impossible (the chinese guy who is hammered when we meet in the pub). So, I choose to dance, and spend the next two and a half hours throwing some crazy shapes. My legs ache like a bitch now, but it was worth it. Had a really good night considering it was all a bit last minute.

Later . . .

All they left was airmail

Received a package from Australia yesterday. That's funny, I thought, I don't know anyone in Australia.

Turned out to be my subscription to Andromeda Spaceways Inflight Magazine. What I've read so far has pretty cool, and I'm looking forward to reading the rest.

Later . . .

All they left was junk email

So far, only Tris replied to the email I sent out.

That's it, everyone's getting it in there inbox now. I will not be ignored :)

I don't care if you do have work to do . . .

Tris' answers:

Where did we meet?
Could have been any number of occasions, depending on which you count. Probably Graphics with Reeves, but properly in Prowsey's tutor group.

I forgot all about that. Damn, I had us meeting five years later than that.

Do you remember one of the first things I said to you?
No, probably something sarcastic, or something in reaction to my sarcasm.

Heh. That's true. We were sarcastic fucking teenagers.

What is the best feature about me?
Your jammy house in Devon ;p

Well, that's actually the best feature about my parents.

What's your favourite memory of me?
Prolly something involving driving around Devon making sarcastic remarks and hilarious hypothetical reasons for why another mate of ours has bailed on us.

Heh. Four summers like that. ULI.

What single trait about me annoys you the most?
Leaving me with Wesley.

Sorry, Wes. Tris' words, not mine :)

Later . . .

All they left was an answer

Questionnaire the fourth, received by Hels on Wednesday, 19 May 2004
(This is a tricky one to post, because you're supposed to fill it in for the person that sent it to you):

My name:
Where did we meet?
Take a stab at my middle name:
How long have you known me?
Do I smoke?
Do I believe in God?
What was your first impression of me upon meeting?
What's my age?
And my birthday?
What colour hair do I have?
And colour eyes:
Do I have any siblings?
What's one of my favourite things to do?
Do you remember one of the first things I said to you?
What's my favourite type of music?
What is the best feature about me?
Am I shy or outgoing?
Would you say I am funny?
Am I a rebel or do follow all the rules?
Any special talents?
Would you consider me a friend?
Have you ever seen me cry?
If there was one good nickname for me, what would it be?
Describe me in one word:
What's your favourite memory of me?
What single trait about me annoys you the most?
If you and I were stranded on a desert island what one thing would we want to take with us?
Would you ever marry me?
Any last messages you would like to say?

Later . . .

All they left was a horse

In search of the little horse
Has anyone seen the horse since he was rescued from the evil kidnappers.
We have really missed him and want to give him a big hug.

There have been a further 9 donkey messages [entry]. Aside from the raging debate as to whether he was a horse or a donkey, the kidnapee now appears to have been freed. I am a little worried about the most recent message, though.

All they left was juvenille humour

Received an email today from a girl friend with the subject line 'Eating out'. I snickered.

Snickered even more when I rearranged it to so that 'Eating out' came before the name of the sender.

What am I, twelve?

Later . . .

All they left was an email address

Sorry for that last post. I was trying out this post-by-email thing, so just typed the first thing that came into my head.

It works, though.

Later . . .

All they left was a way out

The theme tune to Shane, ITV1's latest dire attempt at sit-com, goes 'There must be something better than this'.

I switch channels to see if I can find it.

Later . . .

All they left was a chicken wing and a banana skin

Summer's finally here.

An afternoon of sitting on the mown grass of the back garden, listening to the Reloaded 2 album, and drinking cans of Grolsch that hadn't ever stood a chance of being allowed to chill. The summer's inaugural barbecue in the evening. More drinking as the sun disappeared from the back garden.

Shameful informs me that I was speaking to that girl [entry] for 40 minutes, which is a surprise, and a pleasant one.

Later . . .

All they left was a bus journey

Made it 5-for-5 last night.

Somehow.

Went out with the guys celebrating the rugby sevens, and I was supposed to be meeting up with My Ex and Demise, but I didn't manage it in the end. Fancied I could have a night out without them for a change, and it went pretty well.

Saw a girl that I fancied when I started at 'alcrow. Haven't seen her in about a year, and I made the mistake of asking Shameful, who appears to know her, what her name was. So he tells me, and then calls her over, saying 'Kev used to fancy you.'

I think I managed to recover enough not to come over as a complete idiot. I'll find out when I next see her, no doubt.

Later . . .

All they left was a vodka and orange

I'm 4-for-4 this week, for drinking on a school-night. Tonight I plan on making it 5-for-5.

This is unprecedented . . .

. . . but at least I have a reason for not getting any writing done (or anything for that matter).

So the challenge was, on discovering that the woman I had been chatting up was 29 years old and not 24 as I'd assumed, to tell her that I'd thought she was 24 without making it sound like a cheesy pick-up line.

I failed miserably, which was a shame, because she was fit, and quite talkative to boot.

Later . . .

All they left was a 'good luck'

The Well's been rejected by Astounding Stories [entry].

I suppose I should be grateful for the quick turnaround time.

Their email ended:

We realize these are taste issues and honestly believe that another editor will find your story perfect. We wish you the best of luck with it and hope to see more from you in the future.
Sincerely,
Arthur Sanchez
Editor
AstoundingStories.Com

which is kinda positive.

Later . . .

All they left was the memory

Went to watch Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind with Chichavster and Imac last night. Whilst it wasn't what I was expecting, I have to say that I really enjoyed this film. Says something about the quality of a film when Kirsten Dunst dancing round in her underwear isn't the best thing in it, isn't the first thing you take away from the cinema.

I'm trying to think of a criticism of this film, and so far I'm drawing a blank. The more I think of it, the more I believe this was a great film.

Later . . .

All they left was a plea for help

Donkey-related developments [entry]:

donkey or horse (6th May)
I'm confused because I thought he said he was a horse when he advetised for accommodation.
Is there a donkey and a horse?
Have the donkey kidnappers got the wrong person?

Who owns the donkey? (6th May)
Perhaps the owners of the Donkey don't read the bulletin board or they would have posted an answer by now? The prime suspects are the UKAEA Constabulary but we've never seen them at it! Please come forward soon as we miss seeing him around the place.

Please help me (9th May)
I have just escaped from the clutches of the evil kidnappers and managed to find a computer to broadcast a plea for rescue. Please pay the ransom. I hear them coming now to recapture me. I will just have time to submit this message. They are breaking down the door now. Arggghhhhhh!

Horse or Donkey (10th May)
Stories of my demise have been exaggerated, I am a horse and not a donkey and I will be appearing in a location near you very soon.
Thank you for all your kind thoughts and wishes. My twin knows nothing, campaign for his release.

This is the sort of thing I would have done at school. The worrying thing is that there are now at least three people posting donkey messages, and none of them are me.

The decay is obviously spreading.

All they left was a couple of slices of tomato

Chichavster was back in Swin last night, so a few of us went out for tea and a couple of pints. Once more I'm the only one in a group of four drinking.

I return to the house, and get accused of being p!ssed because I was 'very cheery'.

Later . . .

All they left was a bottle of grolsch

Went out on Friday night. It was a last minute affair, but actually quite good. Spent yesterday suffering for it though :( hence why no noise or activity from me.

Looks like Demise and I are definitely staying in the 'friend zone' [entry]. We've spoken about it and she wasn't in the same place I was. Oh well. Time to move on.

Later . . .

All they left was a crow bar

The Well's gone out again. It was at the last market [entry] for eight months before I got that not-a-rejection, but this one says their reading period ends on the 21st of May, so hopefully I should know in a couple of weeks.

I really have to write some new stories. My last submission to the workshop and the talecrafters was a story I've been knocking about for the last two years. This month it's going to be Tymmy, a story I haven't so much as looked at in a year [entry].

Unproductive as hell at the moment.

All they left was the bank holiday

Just realised that today marks two years of me keeping a weblog.

It's a big day.

I was just about to post something about last year's entry, or the year before's entry, but I've just looked at them, and they were pretty boring.

Later (unless I can actually think of something original to write today) . . .

All they left was a couple of minutes

Amazon.co.uk's super saver delivery option allows you to get free delivery on orders over £25. I usually take advantage of this to save myself a bit of cash. Today, I get an email telling me they're unable to get one of the items on my latest order, but 'we can confirm that you have not been charged for it'. However, a couple of hours later I can get a confirmation of dispatch, and because the price is now below £25 (through no fault of my own), they've charged me £3.93 P&P.

Cheap bastards.

Later . . .

All they left was a link

Continuing to go through my missed emails, I find a link to a love combatibility test dated 26 February 2004. The test is apparently a way of finding out whether you and your partner are compatible, or whether you should just chuck it in.

Damn, have I been seeing someone and not realised it?

Guess she's dumped me already for not filling in her test. Oh well.

Later . . .